BOOK REVIEW: The Life and Works of Mr. Anonymous

Most serious readers will agree that the award for most prolific writer would go to Mr. Anonymous, a.k.a. Anon. Mr. Anonymous has been responsible for numerous works ranging from poetry through prose. His contributions have been scattered wherever the English language is read.

And yet, very little has been known of this great talent until recently. Fortunately, Willard R. Espy has written a biography titled THE LIFE AND WORKS OF MR. ANONYMOUS. The book focuses on the sixty-odd years that the author was personally acquainted with this man and his dog, Author Unknown.

When Willard was in second grade his classmates teased him about his unruly mop of hair with this singsong: " I’m three years old and like to wear A bow of ribbon in my hair. Sometimes it’s pink, sometimes it’s blue; I think it’s pretty there, don’t you?"

The fact that he wore no ribbon in his hair was immaterial. He wanted to find out who had written these words. He was told over and over that nobody did; that it was anonymous. He was to continue to hear this about his nightly prayer: "Now I lay me down to sleep, …"  Well, you know the rest, I’m sure. This started a life-long search to learn more about this man, Anonymous.

One Sunday while Willard Espy was six, he was reading outdoors, an unusual man appeared, singing as he walked down the road. The man accompanied himself on a mandolin and an extraordinary dog helped with the music by ending each stanza with a mournful howl.

To make a long story short, this man turned out to be Willard’s great uncle and, wonder of wonders, he was known as Mr. Anonymous and his dog Author Unknown. The man and dog had been recently in Alaska, and had been travelling the world learning everything they could about life. He explains to Willard that actually he was part of a long line of Anonymousness. That was one question that I was glad to have answered. It seemed to me that the works of Anonymous go back very far in history.

Mr. Anonymous settles down to teach in the local school for several years, but soon leaves to teach in a small university. While he and Willard are together, Willard’s fascination with his mentor’s work grows.

We are not sure of the exact date of Mr. Anonymous’ death. Punch Almanac published a eulogy in 1856, but many people felt that it was premature.

It would be unfair of me not to include some of Mr. Anonymous’ finer work in this review. So, here are some of my favorites, listed by subject.

On sex:

The womb’s a fine and private place
In which to propagate the race. 

On alcohol:

God, in His goodness, sent the grape
To cheer both great and small;
 Little fools drink too much
And great fools none at all. 

On food:

Heavenly Father bless us,
And keep us all alive;
 There’s ten of us for dinner
And not enough for five. 

Naturally, there is not enough space here for all of this great man’s work, so this is only a small sample. I am sure that each of you has your own favorites that you would want to share. But, please, no limericks. Mr. Anonymous considered them beneath his talents.

I enjoyed this biography very much. Not only did it answer question that I had about Mr. Anonymous and Author Unknown, it was a delightful, if incomplete, collection of his works.